Some Things

Mike Vick: What the fuck dude?

2007-10-10T02:51:00.001-04:00

From when it all began back in late April of this year, Michael Vick has gone from being considered one of the best athletes (but certainly not the best quarterback) in the country to a low-life, dog smushin’, bong-ripping doodoobutt. It’s hard to think that you can go from having a 10-year $130 million contract (plus $37 million in bonuses and a free ESPN the Magazine MP3 player) to facing up to 5 years in prison and fines up to $350K.

One word…no wait, according to MS Word spell check its two words…DOG FIGHTING. Vick had over 65 dogs at his residence in VA, allegedly being trained under the supervision of the great Mickey Goldmill, who as you may know developed the career of the heavyweight champion Rocky Balboa. When asked to comment on this claim made by federal officials, he gave a bitter yet unusual response saying: “You're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder!” Although these dogs were no match for Ivan Drago or Thunderlips, they were treated viscously and forced to kill to survive.

Since Vick was indicted on July 17, things have just not gone his way. Vick has lost all of his sponsorship deals with huge companies such as Reebok and Rawlings. Nike suspended the release of their latest footwear line called “Air Zoom Vick Five”. A statement released from Nike said the reason for suspension was that although the name sounded cool they had no idea what the hell it meant and realized they would sell -14 pairs if brought to market. Upper Deck has also chosen to pull Mike Vick’s playing card out of existence by going back in time and demolishing their Michael Vick playing card factory in Carlsbad, CA.

As if the millions of dollars lost in sponsorship money wasn’t enough, Vick has been fired from the NFL forever and has been asked by the Atlanta Falcons to pay them back $20 million of the bonuses he received and over $30 in movie rental late fees charged to the team credit card. Most experts agree that as little as $3.5 mil of it will actually be paid back, plus the 30 dollars in late fees, although Vick insists that he returned the copy of “Teen Wolf” he rented.

Even the banks are suing Vick for unpaid lines of credit. One Indiana bank is suing Michael for a $2 million dollar unpaid car loan that Vick used to buy a Delorean, “tricked out” with a Flux Capacitor, spinners, and a whistle tip.

Can’t get any worse? I think not. On September 13, Vick tested positive for marijuana, disgracing his public image even more. Vick pleaded guilty for marijuana use and stated he only used it to cope with the death of his two cats after he trained them to kill each other by accident.

So Michael Vick, you really messed up. Hey, we are all humans. We all make mistakes. Although I can’t remember a time when I decided I needed to make more money than the $200 million I was already getting paid to do my job by harboring an illegal dog fighting circuit and then on top of all that getting caught for smoking pot. Mikey, I think you need to listen to Carol Leifer. She’s the writer for some crappy show on ABC and the woman who bought your apology notes for $10.2K on eBay. In a letter to the National Humane Society Leifer said, “Michael Vick ironically never made the most important apology -- the one to the animals themselves." She couldn’t have been more right. What Mike Vick needs to do is get animals from all over the world (and I’m talking like jungle creatures, woodland critters, sea animals,…bugs, you name it) to watch a satellite broadcast of him formally apologizing to them and then getting pied in the face. Only then will it be ok for us humans to forgive Mike Vick for what he has done and move on to more serious controversies in the NFL…like why head coaches Mike Nolan and Jack Del Rio INSIST on wearing suits on game day.

One Night At Bennigan's

2007-03-24T18:30:00.000-04:00

To cut to the chase, Nick Sheer, Chris and myself wanted some food one night. We decided to mix it up a little bit, and instead of going to Friday's we went to Benningan's downtown. We got there and it was pretty empty. Sat down ordered a coke and a bacon cheeseburger pita (which was delicious by the way). Anyways, there were these dudes at the bar that kept playing Metallica. As a matter of fact, they made it a point to make sure that nothing else was played besides Metallica. Paula Abdul came on and they panicked and changed it immediately. The second song that they played was "One" (by Metallica). Right when it got to the instrumental part, I see a round serving tray fly across the room. I looked back only to find out that our waiter threw the tray, and was rocking out hard to the song. I fucking lost it. We gave him a 50 dollar tip.

The Tin Tin Buffet

2007-03-06T18:58:00.000-05:00

So I'm hangin out with Big Len Dog, Madd Brad and Chrisdiaz on Fri night when Len Dog comes up with this brilliant idea to go to smoke and go to this fucking buffet which he doesn't even know the name of. So after a late night I wake up and call Len Dog. Him and Madd Brad come over and all 4 of us proceed 2 do the deed. When we are done, I took a huge poop and then we got in the car. So we're driving and the whole time me and Chris are trying to find out from Len Dog where this place is. We drive for about 45 minutes while making a few wrong turns and re-routing and then finally end up next to the New Balance headquarters on the side of the Mass Pike. There stands a little place called the Tin Tin Buffet. We are all pretty excited. We walk in the door and completely ignore the sign that says "Please Wait To Be Seated" and sit down at a table. The asian waitress brings us drinks and tells us to get started. We stuff our faces for a while, the food was decent. When we are done we get the check. Madd Bradd has no cash and needs to pay with his credit card so we all give cash to him. This is where it gets pretty funny. The whole time Madd Brad is filling out the check, this tall Asian waiter is standing next to our table staring at him. The bill was like 30 bucks and we decide to leave a 2 dollar tip (not much at all, but come on its a fucking buffet). As we are getting up to leave, the Asian waiter picks up the slip and stares at looking really confused. He starts looking at all of us and I begin to think to myself "I think he's mad about the tip." Now we are all looking at each other and the tall Asian waiter looks back up at as and yells "TWO?!?!" We make a quick run for the door.

As we are walking out I catch the tall Asian waiter talking to another Asian waiter. It went something like this:

Tall Asian waiter in disbelief - "wah ho ha wee oong TWO"
Other waiter in disgust - " Ugh TWO?!"

Then we all died in a car crash.

Me

2007-02-28T19:43:00.000-05:00

I am...

Rish Rocamson
Ropp Ronatoly
Ross Rock the tony
Robb Fuck a whory
Rodd Eat a bowree
Ratt Rip my peepee
Ribz Wash a boney
Rock Rob baloney
Fuck Fuck a fuckey
Ross Slap a pony

If you see this, please provide more names you fuckijn shit

2007-02-21T19:00:00.000-05:00

this blog is definitely not worth reading

Hey Ebreeone

2007-02-21T18:49:00.000-05:00

Hi. I haven't posted anything in a while. I don't have a computer that works so yeah. I don't really have any thoughts right now. Though I guess since I'm posting I should think of some profound thing to say...or something ridiculous...or some shitty life experience...hmmm...ummm.............

boobies

Soopa bAwL

2007-02-06T00:47:00.000-05:00

Ok so I was 2 points off... i fucking suck at everything i do. I was watching the Puppy Bowl most of the night anyway.

Pastabowl XLI

2007-02-03T14:58:00.000-05:00

My Guess:

Colts -27
Bears - 17

Sean Willis, Age 9

2007-01-27T13:29:00.000-05:00

Royal Korean Army Foot Soldier

FUCK CVS

2007-01-13T18:33:00.000-05:00

All of my friends have blogs...

2007-01-12T18:05:00.000-05:00

They are cool. I want to be cool too. So I will make this blog and post all of my fycking awesome ideas.